The myth of devotion: the unrealistic expectations fans place on idols and why demanding total loyalty and sacrificing personal lives is unfair to the people behind the fame
I’ve always found it fascinating how some fans believe that idols should be completely loyal to them, as if their entire existence revolves around pleasing and dedicating themselves solely to their audience. It’s as though there’s an unspoken contract where, in exchange for admiration, idols are expected to give up basic aspects of their personal lives — like friendships, socializing, or even dating. But the truth is, that kind of expectation just doesn’t exist in reality, and it’s unfair.
Idols, like anyone else, are human beings. They deserve the right to live their lives freely, to explore relationships, and to build meaningful connections outside of the spotlight. It’s unrealistic to think that just because someone is in the public eye, they should somehow be less entitled to experience love or have a social life.
What I’ve always found strange is this idea that idols owe their fans absolute loyalty, almost like they belong to them. But the reality is, being an artist, a performer, or an idol doesn’t mean they stop being people. Their job is to entertain, to share their art, and to connect with fans through their work. It’s not to conform to this unattainable image of perfection or isolation that some fans demand.
It’s easy to forget that behind the polished images, the curated social media posts, and the performances, there’s a person who gets tired, who craves companionship, who wants to feel normal. Expecting them to sacrifice that just because they’ve reached a certain level of fame is not only unrealistic — it’s unhealthy. It places unnecessary pressure on idols to live up to an impossible standard, and that can take a real toll on their mental health.
I think fans should admire their idols for the art they create and the joy they bring through their talent, not for the idea that they somehow “belong” to them. The relationship between an idol and their fans is special, yes, but it’s a two-way street. There has to be respect for their boundaries, for their need to have a personal life, and for their right to love and be loved.
What really gets to me is how this expectation, that idols should somehow remain “pure” or untouched by normal life experiences, creates an illusion that dehumanizes them. There’s this idea that if an idol starts dating or is seen with friends outside their professional circle, they’re somehow betraying their fans. But why? What does it say about us, as fans, if we’re trying to control every aspect of their lives?
Idols put so much of themselves into their work. They perform, they train for hours, they engage with fans, and often make personal sacrifices for their careers. But expecting them to give up the basic joys of life — things like romance, privacy, or the ability to just hang out with people without scrutiny — is a completely unfair trade-off. They’re already giving us their time and energy. Demanding even more by insisting they stay single or socially isolated feels like crossing a line.
It’s as if some fans forget that being an idol is a job. And just like anyone with a job, they need time to themselves. We wouldn’t expect anyone else in a different profession to give up their personal life for their work. No one says a doctor or an engineer should be entirely devoted to their patients or projects to the point that they can’t date or have a family. So why do we expect this from idols? It’s a double standard that’s fueled by fantasy, but real life doesn’t work that way.
I think it comes from the fact that some fans see idols as more than just performers — they see them as part of their lives. When you follow someone’s career, watch their interviews, see them on stage, it can feel personal. But that line between admiration and possession can get blurred, and that’s where the problem starts. Fans feel betrayed when idols are seen living normal lives because, in their minds, it breaks the illusion of exclusivity. They imagine that their connection with the idol is somehow special or unique, when really, that connection is shared with millions of others.
What we often forget is that, at the end of the day, idols deserve happiness, just like anyone else. They deserve the chance to build their own lives outside the public eye. They deserve to fall in love without fearing backlash from fans who think they have some sort of claim on them. And they deserve to be able to make mistakes, to grow, and to evolve without being held to impossible standards of perfection.
If we really care about the people behind the idols we admire, we need to let go of the idea that they owe us their personal lives. It’s possible to love and support someone’s career without trying to control their entire existence. True fans should celebrate their idols’ happiness, whether that comes from their success in the industry or from finding love and companionship. That’s what real loyalty is — understanding that these people aren’t characters in a story for us to write. They’re real, living humans, and they deserve the freedom to live their lives on their terms.
At the end of the day, no one can thrive under the weight of unrealistic expectations. Idols don’t exist in a vacuum; they’re people who deserve to live their lives just as much as anyone else. The sooner we acknowledge that, the healthier the relationship between fans and their idols can become.
